Prior to the ceremony the family generally chooses a relative or friend who was close to the deceased to preside at the ceremony. If the deceased was a member of an organized humanist or secular organization (e.g. CODESH - Council for Democratic and Secular Humanism) they may provide an officiant. The funeral director is a great resource to assist with both the design as well as the practical details of the service.

A. Opening Words

Everyone is welcomed, and thanked for coming to share their love and support for the deceased and the family. Because many attendees may be unfamiliar with a secular farewell service, the leader of the service may wish to explain why a non-religious ceremony is appropriate and how it is human nature to share concern for someone's death.

If I Should Die
If I should die and leave you
Be not like others, quick undone
Who keep long vigil by the silent
dust and weep.

For my sake turn to life and smile
Nerving thy heart and trembling
hand to comfort weaker souls than thee.
Complete these unfinished tasks of mine
And I perchance may therein comfort thee.
~Thomas Gray ~

B. Thoughts on Life and Death

This section can be composed of readings, poetry, prose, or even music, which reflect the circumstances of this person's life and death. The deceased's loved ones may suggest favorite poems or readings, or the officiant may decide. Jane Wynn Willson, an author on Humanist Funerals says, "...Poetry, like music, can soothe and release pent-up feelings in some people which will help in the long process of grieving". See side box for a sample poem.

C. The Tribute

This is the core of the ceremony. It is an opportunity to commend good qualities and characteristics to present a meaningful tribute to the person being honored. You may want to ask friends and relatives to share their comments and stories to depict the person's life.

D. Closing Words

A few final words to end the ceremony are appropriate, being sure to thank everyone on behalf of the family for their presence at the ceremony.